Horsing Around

Sometimes you just need to ask yourself, 'if a real horse were hitting on a carousel horse in a bar, what would it say?'. I posed the question on the Land of Le Beef Facebook page; below are some of the responses I got.

The Italian Stallion in action...

"I've always had a thing for pole dancers. Can you do that thing where you do the splits and slide down?"

"Carousel horse, huh? Can I ride you for a quarter?"

"Hey babe, why the long face?"

"I'm looking for a 'stable' relationship."

"Some guys are into Durex, but I'm more of a Trojan horse."

"I'm hung like a you-know-what..."

"You've been spinning around my head all night."

"I'm feeling studly"

Well, that's it. Thanks to everyone who submitted. If you have any to add, please feel free to write them in the comments section.

send in the clowns

Have you ever stared blankly at a wall and thought about what it would be like if Ronald McDonald were hitting on a girl clown at a bar? Neither have I - that would be crazy. I have however drawn a cartoon of it and asked other people to submit their own pick-up lines. If you'd like to get in on the pick-up line action for next time, be sure to become a fan of the Land of le Beef Facebook page. Anyway, enough about that, here are some of the responses I got:

"Hey pretty lady, would you like to end the night with a quarter-pounder?"

"Can I choose my filling for your McFlurry??"

"Mind if I put some meat in your bun?"

"These massive shoes do contain massive feet..but you know what they say..."

"I come - super sized!"

"How many balls can you juggle?"

"With over 99 billion served, who are you to say no?"

"I am much more careful than my friend Burger King. He got Dairy Queen pregnant because he forgot to wrap his whopper."

"whaddya say we run off and join the circus together?"

"How would you like to be my treat of the week?"

"Take your time baby, I'm open 24 hours..."

"I'm going to name a hamburger after you; it's called the McPOW!"

As always, thank you to everyone who submitted - you're all awesome in your special way.​

the thunder from down under

I promised that the gentleman in my next trademarked line of cartoon 'Pick-up Lines' would be handsome and charming - and I delivered. Meet Marc. Marc is a handsome outdoorsy type who enjoys cooking, writing poetry, and roller-skating.

It was brought to my attention that only female kangaroos have pouches - well, if you must know, Marc's pouch is more of an accessory where he keeps his keys, wallet, and tic-tacs. It's more like a 'murse' than a pouch; all the modern male kangaroos are wearing them nowadays. Anyway, here are some kangaroo pick-up lines, some of which I came up with, some which were submitted by others...

"Can I interest you in some outback?"

"I love your accent; what is that, Scottish?"

"that's not a boomerang in my pouch..."

"Can I give you an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss, but down under."

"Let's bounce"

"Don't fight it, it's BOUND to happen...so just HOP on sweetheart!"

"You know what they say about big feet, don't you? Check out these whoppers!"

"Wallaby (Well I'll be) betting you'll be coming home with me tonight."

Thank you for joining me for another exciting edition of 'Pick-up Lines', and thank you to everyone who submitted. If you any to add, please put them in the comments section...​

hot potato

so I'm sitting at a bar the other night, minding my own business, when I notice two potatoes talking to one another. from my vantage point, it appeared as though one of the potatoes was hitting on the other one. Needless to say, I became instantly curious as to what kind of game a potato lays down when trying to close the deal with a tasty tater. This is what I overheard:​

"what do you say we go back to my place and get baked?"

"I've had my eyes on you all night..."

"I find you very, very a peeling...."

"would you like some fries with that shake?"

"baby, I'd like to peeeeeel you out of those skins..."

"owww! you are one SWEET potato..."

"Would you like to be f#@k spuddies...?"

"you wanna see my couch, potato?"

"Care for a game of one potato two potato?"

"Who the hoe? I-DA-HO! Get it?"

"This spud's for you"

Have any to add? Share them with the world by writing in the comments section....​

what's new, pussy cat?

ever wonder what cats are saying to each other when they meow? well, thanks to some patented cat translation technology, I was able to decipher some of these meows for a new segment I call 'Animal Pick-up Lines'. Special thanks to everyone who contributed their own lines - Josh, Amal, Kay, and Sandy (sorry Georgie and Jen, I wanted to keep this PG, so I couldn't use yours)..​

"hey baby, I bet I can make you purr.."

"you've lost that love and feline"

"I'm getting neutered tomorrow, so this is your last chance..."

"meeee...OW! you are one fine looking cat"

"I hope the next hairball I cough up is made of your fur..."

"Don't worry baby, I don't scratch. Seriously - I've been declawed"

"Is that catnip you're wearing or is it your smile that's driving me crazy?"

"I'll buy the next one...I'll put it on my tabby!...Get It? Tabby? Like tab...but I said tabby because we're cats..."

"You know...I'm related to the Lion King. Just saying..."

"You know 'The Cat in the Hat'? He's my cousin.."

"You're the most beautiful feline I've ever seen! I'm not LION!....Get it? Lying...lion? I'm funny right? Drink?"

"You smell divine; is that tuna, or chicken liver?"

"Bonjour, do you speak meow?"

"you must be a lazer pointer, because I can't keep my eyes off of you"

Have any to add? Share them with the world by writing in the comments section....